Mind is an illusionist.

Mind is an excuse machine

I feel fear when I want to write this.

Maybe this is my last blog message.

My mind is  blocked to form a coherent post

The reasonable mind comes up with excuses to cover for fear. It’s a flight response.

Plato presented that we do not see things as they really are. That we are in a cave and The world is outside that cave.. We see projection, and there is more.

There are two ways to discover. Analytical and Empirical (?What’s the connection with empire ?) Empirical is meditational .

– Besides this message, I feel that when I try to write this message that my mind accesses my linguistic frame of reference to write what I want to write. That accessing is a spirit, an intent . The fact that I can feel that show my current sensitivity in that regard. Which comes from my meditation –

Present yet not

I was meditating this morning in m bed and I felt I was imagining illusions about things.  I did not want that. I felt something related to seeing things as they are coming from the back of my head. that happened a few times.

I was riding on my bicycle, It’s dark outside. I was present – In that I was seeing traffic and traffic light -. And I was definitely present in that I noticed that what I was seeing was presented, projected to me. I felt that spirit, intent. And as happened before when I notice things – like a frame of reference instance – My focus shifts to seeing as it is. Which made me feel more present, sharper, brighter.


Other feelings

It’s so easy to be wrong, confused, misguided. With potentially dire consequences.

I noticed I mislabelled. I was about to label, name focus as mind. I but I was not happy about that. I examined it by putting my on mind. I noticed I that put me in rational thinking mode. After that I realized It was really focus that was the right word.

When I put my focus on spiritual travelling – a bit like a vision quest – I feel confident, calm.


From the bow of the target, we shoot.

It’s far. 

Blinded we are.

Driven by our coachdriver.

We go where have to be or not to be.

Leash lose. Free. Accesible for which does not rhyme with the target.

But we may need it to reach the target.


Goed evening.

I had a good revelation tonight.

Reading through a magazine of http://www.velt.be I misread “eerlijk voedsel ” (honest food) as “heerlijk voedsel” (delicious food).  That got my head spinning.

food … >  consciousness of what we eat. That made me realize what I find most important in my life. being in my 46 year.



Allergie Fire

fenix immune

libre liberé liberty

Messiahs are phoenixes, freed from their allergies.

Righteousness Possessiveness Fear Poison Fire Cold Ego Morality Hungers Matter Thriving Living

St Job : A mad man ? Or one who wishes to free himself.

Do not step in a Phoenixes if you do wish to become enraged.



Today I felt embarrassed toward a woman. When I looked for why. I felt I was embarrassed because I love her.

I was at a table filled with people preparing a community meal. at first after my discovery I was quiet, surprised.

I said

“I have a problem”. I was asked why.

“I find myself embarrassed toward you”.

“why ?”

At first I was quiet. Then I looked towards the source again.

“because I love you” : even writing this last sentence causes a little anguish.

This is not the first time I did such a thing.

After words I feel better. Relieved.

Dimensions and distinction original intended

The previous message: https://steptoharmony.wordpress.com/2017/09/30/distinction-and-dimensions/

Was started Late at night after discovery.

The discovery

I was lying in bed meditating, Dealing meditatively with stress in the top of my head due to painful trigeminal nerve.

Fig 4 - Cutaneous innervation to the head and neck.

Dimension bit:  My habit – Do I wear that ? Does it wear out ? – is to be present there with my consciousness. Being careful not to add to the stress . This time I tried , found something different. Namely to send instruction to the spot. The instruction to relax. It worked.

Before I only worked with consciousness. I discovered a new tool, a new dimension.

That was then.

new discovery

I discovered I had to submerge and go to root of the problem.

The root IS more painful.

That is located high op in my nose.

Earlier today I felt it .

Its raw.



Distincting : body and brain

I ones blamed a book for my mental, state of being but directly noticing that that wrong. The book only presents me whit something. So I will endeavor to keep the eye on fact and impression also on me versus others.

Meditating ones again lying on my bed. The top at the back of my mouth, slightly above my molars was hurting. The top of my head (scalp area) is always hurting.

I put my consciousness there. The pain lessened in my mouth. I noticed that the left side seemed connected to the right side of my brain and similar for the right side of my mouth. It gave the impression of a X. The I became curious.

I changed my focus to lower body and it felt differently located. I only held that briefly. Would the experience be different if held it longer ? Probably.

But that’s for another time.

Write to you later.


Noticing difference with regards to thinking

A friend remark about my previous post that she was not sure what I meant when I wrote about private thought (pondering) and public thought

Are you talking about two layers of thinking about the same thing, when you say public or private thinking? Or about how you think about something when there is yes or no an outside influence? Or is one more on an emotional, one on an intellectual approach? There are so many angles from which I could read this, so might be better to ask…

Rereading th particular post. It indeed lacks clarity.

So now I try to be clearer about it.

I try to be clear. I describe what is happening and what appears to be happening.  Wat Intended to report about I didn’t. but I’m going to in a other post.



With what I called private thought I meant pondering Thinking in yourself about something.  It is different than talking in yourself. It feels different to me.

  • feels more or less central located in the top of the brain
  • it feels “held in”. remember I am talking about pondering, thinking in myself.

What I called public, expressive thinking is more like talking to your self.

  • feel located below the pondering location and more linguistic
  • does not feel held in.

surprise also seems different.  With that It feels like the area around the eyes is

  • When surprise we raise our eyes.
  • surprise feels like located ,up front, at the eyes

I have to be careful to accurate in what I feel


Today 2-10-2017 I was in a biostore. There I got upset. Having come home I went to community center next door to talk. I started to talk  and the listener said I was talking about something that could be said at a casual, chit-chat  moment like when where eating together, but he said that he had the impression that was not what I wanted to talk about. I was stunned. It was true that the talk was from a need. Was his understanding correct ?

He was right about it being a need. But was what i was saying not really what I need to talk about? Although I had originally thought it was.

It made me silent and thoughtful. He proposed we could talk about it tomorrow while we eat together.  I responded that was probably not going to happen because 1 if had worked through what I had needed to talk about then I no longer would have a talk about it; It at least would not be “needed” talk. 2 Tomorrow would be different time thus different topics.

He probably was right. It has occurred many times here that what I ended up writing was not what started out wanting to write about. It seems I got on a track to talk that didn’t contain the essence of what I wanted to talk about.

Which brings me back to my previous post “distinction and dimensions” that ended not completely with what I wanted to write about.
The writing there about different kind of thought and where they seem to be located came up as I was writing. That post was not intended for that.

Back to this post.

When I was at home think it through.

What came up was that we

  • take things for granted, we accept the status quo.
  • we lead a chit-chat life. Like nothings wrong
  • we talk about problems, crises-es  but carry on living as usual.
    No rolling up sleeves, standing up and following better judgment.

We are not awake. We are to busy watching soap-operas.
We need a entertaining, rallying frame work to dig deep in our wallets and sponsor a good cause.

We lead a casual life. We accept terrorism. We accept unemployment.
We accept political leaders that have been warned about radicalization and that ignore it. We cannot say “wirr habben das nigt gewußt”. Political misconduct has less rallying power than our favored football team.

The flower power people of the seventies had more backbone than we do.

Why do we accept so much thrash ?

We reap what we sow.

It is not Trump we should be afraid of.

The casual way of our life is more dangerous.

Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil (public library) by Hannah Arendt.

this insight, and post is not enough. It lacks depth and width