Category Archives: experience

give joy

Typed at a concert Enjoying it. Not criticizing.
It is fun that way. It is true that they are not masters and no in tune. I do not mind. I enjoy never te less. If find them at fault Then I am at fault. I am enjoying there discord.
They are playing some dixie like music. Sure well played harmonic music is beautiful.

They invited peole to dance. I was the only one to dance. I danced with silly mood. Pretty in concord with the music. At the end I bowed.

I gave joy to myself.

In what’s called bad weather

Today – monday 6-3-2017 – I went out again.

I was gone for longer but ran less.

Fresh in memory. Still, not all details will be recalled.

After my run of 3h30 thursday my thighs where painful. That has mostly cleared up. My run/walk of today did not add to that. Good.

The weather is cold and rainy. Did not bother me. Me running in sandals. sometimes avoiding puddles. Doing that until I think “fuck that” and I step in them. Feet get a bit cold.  At home I replaced the wet stinky socks I was wearing with new ones. So much for “fuck that”. The cold did not bother me, but when I got home I had practically no force in my hands. I did not have cold feeling hands but they where cold. So I did not feel the true situation of my hands. Dangerous but useful.

Again my outing – not this message (outing) – was a spiritual exercise. oops need to add detail. The previous post mentions it as a yogic exercise. but I can Just as easily call it by the name of an other spiritual practice. What I practice – not preach – is being open and relaxed.

I put my conscious on my self – purely therapeutic I am a good little boy. you know. My parents raised me well. – with a calm and relaxed but active state (running, walking) and intention. The intention off being open to myself.  Relaxing by putting my calm, and open awareness on the spot.

I shifted my conscious from my head to my feet and hips and shoulder with a semi-automatic shift to whole body . Not hole body.  When my conscious – with relaxed state and also relaxed and opening intention – is on my head. The stress, cramp there goes to my shoulders or my feet. So I have to include them too.  When I want to open the stressed area at the top of my head It can at times be easy to miss it.

 

Coincidence

Today I read this post. Yesterday evening I went to bar here in Antwerp. I was to late for the live music. The night was not a loss. I stayed until 2 or 3 in the morning talking to some people. Maybe connecting with another through the energy, consciousness and hearing a bit of her thoughts concerning me.

I had a dialogue with the man next to me about people. It was difficult to put in to words what I wanted to say. I started talking about it using economy, but that puts up the right or wrong of the economy. That was not what I wanted to talk about.
No. What I wanted to talk about is not exclusive to the economy.
We are al in roles. a treadmill. The Stanford University prison experiment shows that. Other psychological experiments also show it.  Every role puts blinders on. The blinders makes us zombies. Blind to what we do. Only seeing the seeming need that needs to get done. Our fellow humans fall by the wayside. Ourselfs falls by the wayside.

As a child we question not our parents over what they give us. We question not our teachers. Our parents do not question what they give us. Growing up we are told , taught, disciplined how to life. Step outside that how and they retaliate. Besides that we also have desires and talents.Which we inherit. We are brought up in a world where all those that are not family have to pay. A friend may get free access or discount.
Why ?
It is written in the post. Hierarchy of openness. ( read it)
Why is that ?

The problem is deeper than humans. Deeper than mammals. Maybe deeper than plants.
All animals have that hierarchy of openness. What I wanted to talk about was not even exclusive to humans.

solutions: escape,hide,shield or fight,struggle or solve. Only the full truth solves it ones and for all.
Humans we are. One can only start from where one is. Solving the problems of our society ones and for all is to solve ourselfs.

my road so far

This post is inspired by http://www.saschahjort.com/what-is-spirituality/

My spirituality.  It started around the beginning of the summer or of 2006 some eleven years ago. Oops not true. It started earlier. with meditation.  Or even earlier when as a child I read comic books. Those books did not take me away, as we are acustomed to think of it. It’s my imagination spinning in my head the scenes of the comic book that took me away. For nothing but the love of adveture. That is also spirituality. But not that of buddhism, shamanism, christianity, islam, communing with nature. No that is of a different nature.

2006 though was a year that started something. Better said something (‘s) was/where started then. Struggle. Growth. Falling and getting up again. Recognising my nature. Fumbling, luckily not lethal but definitely very painfully to the point of being made in some way incapacitatted. ,Although it should have been much worse considering. I did not have bronchitis

A friend said I’m strong. I was surprised to hear that. But that I overlooked my situation and I had to agree. He is strong to. He has Multiple Scleroses. Doctors are baffled be how well he does. according to them he should be paralysed a long time ago. With this on my mind now I feel some crying , no tears though,  from happiness and sadness. I have felt despaire over my condition. Understandable. But it does no good crying over spilled milk. And quoting monthy python : when your chewing on life’s gristle don’t grumble . give a whistle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ECUtkv2qV8 It does no arm crying a little. It can give relief. After, I can breath a little easier.

I just started a page to further and in depth tell this story. It gives it then a more permanent nature than this blog post.

The rest of this post shall be reflections on my myself inspired by the writing of  Sascha Hjort.

Thank you Sascha.

What life am I going to live ? Not coasting. One of exploration, learning. Learning what makes us, me included tic. Not out of idle curiosity but out of need. Need for myself for humans. for a better future. This will cause me to have interesting times ahead.

To learn what I need I must for the foreseeable future not go to university. For there my time will be spend filling my head with knowledge. A lot of knowledge in a relative short amount time. No I must learn what it takes to learn. oops I already know that. It is wrapping my head around it. twisting , turning and scaling  how I look at it until I get it. Voila I know what it takes. If you recognise the previous than you also knew. Do I also know how ?

Wrong . That is also not what I currently need to gain. I need to clarify, make clear what I learned so far. Take it out of the castle in the sky and put in my house on the ground.

After having learned what makes us tic I need to apply that to show others.

My days as wallflower will be over then.

have a nice time

Signing of

Guy Bongers De Buck

Conflict over buying a pair of shoes and pants

Yesterday. 29 december 2016

I am now trying to remember yesterday, and not just write what comes to mind.

I was going to buy 1 pair of shoes and a pair of pants. I got a mental conflict over it. which caused me to go back home and lay down. For I have very little space at the top of my head for emotional stress. Due to my past. It gave me physical pain at the top of my head, and making it hot.

I eventually bought them and a pair of pair of pants. Expensive too. I was going to a street where I have not shopped before for either. So I wondered where in that street I would buy them. I do not know why but I consulted my instinct. And I indeed for a store there.. Ow I think I just realized why I consulted my instinct. A few days before I was with a good friend. He has a set of tarot cards. He layed them out on the table in random order and asked me to pick a card. First I had a thought to pick a card in the middle. I didn’t. Because it didn’t come from instinct but from a logic that picking the card in the middle is a good choice .

Wrong

If you want the card that is right. You have to pick on instinct not on a logic.

Which I did. I felt an urge to pick a card that was not in the middle. It was the devil, from the book of Thot tarot card deck.

 

 

Medtitation failed , meditation succeeded meditation, meditation succeeded.

Learned this afternoon.

A real struggle it was.

Pain. Excruciating it was.

Like nettles

Excruciating.

Going from my teeth to the top of my forehead.

I dealt with it in my usual way

Meditatively.Being present in it, staying calm.

Didn’t work. The pain lasted.

Until I had a thought.

What if it is different.

II went from being present in the painful spot to being present broadly.

Like from looking at a spot, a branch or a tree to looking at the forest.

More literally I set my awareness to be unassumingly , non directionally receptive.

I heard a mantra. “It is physical”. Repeating.  “Hee what” I thought then.

The pain went away then.

If I had not changed focus. I would not have succeeded.

At first mediation failed. With hindsight not surprisingly.

 

Meditation failed , meditation succeeded meditation, meditation succeeded.

It worked and it didn’t.

I want to continue writing about the right way. But I get stuck so I stop.

Bye. until next time.

Guy
Walking a path few seem to travel

long

II was on a trip on foot for three weeks starting 3 oktober ending 20 oktober. I ended beacause it was getting cold. Now being home It is no longer really cold.

Distance more then 270 km. (167.7 miles). From Antwerp(Belgium) to Soissons(France).

reis-okt-2016

If it is long, that means I am not in the here and now. And not at peace.

Then I down to my time.

I passed a lake I felt connected to. Followed a canal.

Coming to Brussel I felt a big pressure in front of me.

I had a lot of dogs barking  at me, which got on my nerves and gave  me the urge to harm them.
But when I was directly confronted, by 2 dog that where not behind a fence  I did not panic, stayed calm and followed my routine in such a case. I crouched down and put my open hand in front of me and let the dogs smell it. They did not calm down, but did not attack. while this was going  on I did not have a thought to harm them.

In France I wanted more contact with the people

The first time That I asked “how’s it going”  I was invited for lunch and offered a bed to rest. I asked if I could stay the night. I could. They have at the back of their farm buildings a castle ruin which I did not know.

DCIM100GOPRO

DCIM100GOPRO

One night I had a spiritual experience. Lying in my tent on my side I felt a male energy, spirit behind me also on his side, facing me. I was both curious and scared. A rolled on my back and the I felt a female energy,spirit above whose hand was moving to my chest , I was scared and froze. After a few minutes when I had relaxed that female hand went though my upper body below my chest and touched something there. probably a chakra