resolving a internal problem gives energy.
After stumbling – we all do -, up came a stumbling stone, from the chaos in my head. Solving it I can go on.
I was adding to the chaos in my head at first. After hours I had enough. I lay down and meditated. I realized that my head was filled with adrenaline and such, adding cobwebs, besides rushing. I needed to flush them.
My focus was already in the area. when you want to flush something you opoened the gates. That is what I imagined – as an instruction – doing to my brain. It worked. The pressure in the area lessened and with the flush came a problem to the surface. It revealed a skeleton in the closet, a dead animal in the creek.
Sometime earlier I was walking in a local park, at night to increase my harmony, meditate, yoga ,tai-chi (I prefer calling it wu wei).
I crossed path with some Moroccan youth. When they where behind me they threw stones at me or at least in my general direction.
I had not provoked them. but they threw those regardless. I do not know why. I an imagine several reasons and assume one of them is true. But to assume is to make a fool of you and me. I walked on staying calm, but beneath my awareness I was in shock.
I Imagined what their motivation could be. But maybe it is wrong.
back to the present of this counting. I was laying down. And up came this conflict, back to the surface. I struggled with it. Having two mind on it.
One angry at them Wanting to smash their face in.
another not satisfied with that, but seeing they have a problem, me being a victim of them. Really of their problem – which they possessed at the time -. Must blame the real cause and not the carrier.
Laying down, meditating, seeking enlightenment – physical ( cobwebs) and not physical (the conflict) – on my problem. I found that solving the latter solved the first. Giving me energy.
It became clear I could not let it hanging, When I realised I needed to deal with those Morrocan’s in a positive ,healing way, and I needed a second thing. I have a need to express.
This is expressing.