Tag Archives: learned

Mind is an illusionist.

Mind is an excuse machine

I feel fear when I want to write this.

Maybe this is my last blog message.

My mind is  blocked to form a coherent post

The reasonable mind comes up with excuses to cover for fear. It’s a flight response.

Plato presented that we do not see things as they really are. That we are in a cave and The world is outside that cave.. We see projection, and there is more.

There are two ways to discover. Analytical and Empirical (?What’s the connection with empire ?) Empirical is meditational .

– Besides this message, I feel that when I try to write this message that my mind accesses my linguistic frame of reference to write what I want to write. That accessing is a spirit, an intent . The fact that I can feel that show my current sensitivity in that regard. Which comes from my meditation –

Present yet not

I was meditating this morning in m bed and I felt I was imagining illusions about things.  I did not want that. I felt something related to seeing things as they are coming from the back of my head. that happened a few times.

I was riding on my bicycle, It’s dark outside. I was present – In that I was seeing traffic and traffic light -. And I was definitely present in that I noticed that what I was seeing was presented, projected to me. I felt that spirit, intent. And as happened before when I notice things – like a frame of reference instance – My focus shifts to seeing as it is. Which made me feel more present, sharper, brighter.

 

Other feelings

It’s so easy to be wrong, confused, misguided. With potentially dire consequences.

I noticed I mislabelled. I was about to label, name focus as mind. I but I was not happy about that. I examined it by putting my on mind. I noticed I that put me in rational thinking mode. After that I realized It was really focus that was the right word.

When I put my focus on spiritual travelling – a bit like a vision quest – I feel confident, calm.

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Distinction and dimensions

I chose distinction as title for various meanings.

  • distinction : telling one from another.
    Tonight 29-sept I managed that.
    instead of putting,falling,finding the thruth place for things.
  • Achieving distinction

How to write this ?

I’m at home now. It’s late at night. Past midnight. Twilight Time.

How far does one get with something that does not make sens ?
Or for which one has a erroneous sens. Which may be called superstition, or assumption.

(to stitch above, a top > superstition. )

Not far or in the wrong way.

Unfortunately that is where we start from. And most stay there. Even educated ones.

The distinction I made tonight. (Phil Collins :tonight)

It’s like distincting the left hand from the right hand.
Learning that the hand I am holding is wrong. Barking up the wrong tree.

In the past I learned that as I was silencing myself meditatively. I was really blocked, closed. Naturally I dropped that.

Or when I became aware of my current frame of though I slipped, flipped to the opposite or wider frame.

Or I hear or read something that give me a lift, Hey that’s it.

That describes basically my process of progress.

I was some year’s ago In a group of psychiatric patients talking about how their doing, There was one man in that group when he spoke It was like my head was submersed in lead. I struggled to lighten it. I could not. It was when the next person spoke that my head was lightened, He was cheerful, the previous I later learned was a trouble man, as trauma. He breath of fresh air that gave.  Today I met another person from that group again.

Time for some analysis. What was going on ? Why was my head in a clamp when 1 man spoke, but lightened when another spoke

What influenced me ? Think about it and let us know Your perception.

As I sat to write this I noticed. some things with regard to thinking and where it felt that they occurred. There seemed to be a distinction in location.

There seemed to be a “private” thought, In hindsight it is what called pondering,wondering, It seemed located high up and in the center of my brain. Apart from that, Distantiated. There seemed to be “public, expressive” thinking. Which seemed to be located underneath and more to the front.
After that I had a surprise which thought-wise seemed to occur ,brain-wise, before the center and high.

thinking on different levels

dryly put in a list. which I wrote first, but is put behind the “wet” story form.
I do not want to put of any readers.

“public” “private”; “linguistic” , “others”

  • -“public” “expressive thinking”
    That feels like its located in a different part in the brain than the “private” thinking. Namely beneath and before.  Like a belly beneath a chest. Or like a bowl underneath  the private part.
  • private thinking seems now a misnomer. maybe to some degree.
    Based on a new experience just now.
    “surprised” thinking felt like it was before “private” and high.
  • What I called private thinking seems therefore to be better called
    source, origin, well. It is known as pondering.

———-
oops : writing,conceptualizing this is not a race.
I got to lay of the whip (the h in whip makes sense (( think about it)). No Yai Yai Yai. Spurring on mi horse.
——

 

Block vision

I had a vision.

I lived in Antwerp. Trying to remember when is difficult. At first I get nothing except for a sensation of activity. I wait and after a few second a thought appears that it is not going work. I continue waiting and fear and short of  breath sensation in the brain appears.

The block vision
I was in space and a meteor came toward me, or I came towards it .
It was a bit high. I tried to push it away. I tried that several times.
Each time I failed. Then the vision changed to me flying over it.
I saw a rough surface. faces appeared and disappeared in the rock face, one after the other.
Some faces where easy to spot others where behind a feature of the block.

The vision changed to a city in space through which I flew. That did not last long.
After which the vision ended.

I am curious what you make of this vision.

I lie to myself continuously

You read the title correctly.

What is more everybody does it. It is something done automatically.

I was reading the book “Zen and the art of motormaintenance” I wrote a review on facebook about it. I notice that when I wrote about what happened to me when I read it I blame the book. Then I realized that was not true. What happened to me I did myself. Inspired by what I read and by thought, associations, a tale got spun n my head.

the facebook post (in dutch) https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=zen&filters_rp_author=me

When I am angry with a person I think about them in bad terms. Like bastard, bitch and so on. even when I know the person and there from know those thoughts are not true.

The above are not continuous situations.

When I look at people I see not the truth, because I look not for the truth but for matching with assumptions and judgements. I also do not look for what is going on and what is the cause.

I look with a narrow  and opinionated mind. With such a mind HOW can I – everybody,anybody –  do the right thing?

On the side.: This is sort of the reason why I am more afraid of the general public than of Donald Trump. He has a growing and International opposition, Including members of establishment. The general public has no opposition for it self. Except for the last straw that broke the camels back. It is also the reason we are in the mess we are in. To some degree.

writing this means I am aware. At least about that.

Is there however a salvation for those that are aware. Yes. Look for the truth. Look at the dirt for clarity about the dirt and what . It grows. You recognise more and more that what comes up in your mind is an opinion.

It is not just lying to your self but also placing things in your mind haphazardly, sloppy. You can only place things in your mind if you find a fit.

Medtitation failed , meditation succeeded meditation, meditation succeeded.

Learned this afternoon.

A real struggle it was.

Pain. Excruciating it was.

Like nettles

Excruciating.

Going from my teeth to the top of my forehead.

I dealt with it in my usual way

Meditatively.Being present in it, staying calm.

Didn’t work. The pain lasted.

Until I had a thought.

What if it is different.

II went from being present in the painful spot to being present broadly.

Like from looking at a spot, a branch or a tree to looking at the forest.

More literally I set my awareness to be unassumingly , non directionally receptive.

I heard a mantra. “It is physical”. Repeating.  “Hee what” I thought then.

The pain went away then.

If I had not changed focus. I would not have succeeded.

At first mediation failed. With hindsight not surprisingly.

 

Meditation failed , meditation succeeded meditation, meditation succeeded.

It worked and it didn’t.

I want to continue writing about the right way. But I get stuck so I stop.

Bye. until next time.

Guy
Walking a path few seem to travel

little them little me

little them little me

Little them little me Pain makes me little, belittles me. I learned that.

AAArgh.

What I call little me : Angry , jealous , small minded … It is difficult not to belittle. It is difficult to look at the bigger picture when your little. Blaming them, making them bad people, yet knowing that it is not true. Or when I do not know them well than I do not know.

Rejection make me angry, frustrated. Makes me want to lash out. But why is it rejected. They reject because they are little, or it doesn’t fit in their schedule. Or they shout because they are having a bad day. Or … But I have a big me that realises how the pendulum swings. Return anger – That’s easy – and the situation doesn’t improve. Give the situation soothing, blessing, understanding, acknowledgement and lives improves.

Does a Dog bark because he is bad. Or does it have bad day ,is it scared ? Or … ( … Is not infinite.)

With stuff that’s important it is difficult to be big ,understanding ,forgiving.

I can be both little and big at the same time and sooth little me. smile. All it requires is a upgrade of yourself. Your out of luck, it can not be bought, not in a local shop nor on the internet.